The Personal Connection

Many years ago I learned a deceptively simple lesson that changed my life. After graduating from college with my first degree I actually got a job as a milkman. Yeah! I drove a truck and delivered milk, bread, and other items to residences and businesses. One morning I was riding with the man who was training me. He took a basket of items into a small store and I waited in the truck. And I waited...and waited. I was very impatient. When he finally stepped back into the truck my first words were something like, "What took so long? We're way off schedule now." He looked at me with some deserved disdain and and simply said, "Son, a customer will leave you, but a friend won't."

I have never forgotten those words. Everything in business, in job search, in interviewing is made immensely easier when a personal connection exists, no matter how tenuous that connection might be. This is why I wrote Hired! around the theme that job search is really relationship building.

In my blog on Tell Me About Yourself  I cover the kinds of answers you should avoid in a job interview, and some productive ways to raise interest in you without possibly offending your interviewer. But simply telling the interviewer about you is very one-sided.

Here is a scenario that may allow you to establish a more personal connection if the right elements are available, so this connection is more two-sided. Be aware, however, that if you do not have a genuine interest in people you will probably come across as stiff and manipulative if you pursue this approach.

Let's assume you are being interviewed by Ms. Johnson. If you are in Ms. Johnson's office look around for items that obviously reflect personal aspects of Ms. Johnson. You might notice photos of the beach, or a mountain climb. Or you might notice pictures of children on her desk. Perhaps one is a sports picture of a 9 year-old boy in a baseball uniform or a 14 year-old girl in a ballerina dress.

When she asks you, "Tell me about yourself," just pause for a moment and say, "I would love to, and I know we are going to talk alot about the job opening and what ABC Company is looking for. But perhaps you could first tell me a little about Ms. Laura Johnson? I notice the pictures on your desk. Are they your children? Are they fond of sports and dance?"

Or, "Is that a picture of you hanging off the side of the mountain?"

That is all you have to say. Just let the conversation go where it will. I recently walked into the office of a manager whose team I am helping with a big shift in how they deliver their software. I had never had more than an email exchange with him. I immediately noticed some U.S. Air Force plaques on his bookcase. After our handshakes and initial introductions I asked, "Were you Air Force? I'm an Air Force brat." The next 10 minutes were on his fighter pilot training and military life for children of officers. It was a great way to begin.

Eventually you will talk about yourself, but at the very least the two of you have had a brief exchange outside the narrow scope of the job opening. I am a techie but I really like people, and learning about what they do and who they are. My work decisions are based at least as much about the people I meet in the company as they are by the actual job responsibilities. In fact, the job in which I am currently working was a very difficult decision for me until I met the man I would be working for. He was the deciding factor because we have some common interests, and our chemistry was great. So keep your eyes and ears open for a way to make a personal contact even if briefly. It will make both of you more fully defined in each other's mind.